Overcome

I have a hard time persevering.

I get scared to try.

I get overwhelmed and so I pop in my shell and ride the storm out.
It started back and back and back.
It's why I am terrible at math, why I never went out for sports  why I battled an eating disorder. It was easier to not try to understand the problems, easier to not even go there, and easier to do it the unhealthy way then to really work to lose the weight. Easier to not face the potential to fail. So I didn't try.


I got on the scale today and much to my dismay gained half a pound ( not really that big of a deal).
I felt sick and began analyzing my week, what had I eaten? Where had I gone wrong? I started feeling bad about myself and I wanted to retreat, give up.

Point is this : It's hard. Life is. It's overwhelming to try, it's overwhelming to give up the little nicety's aka chocolate in life to pursue health. To pursue things even when they are challenging. We like ease. Quick fixes. Straight paths. However analogies aside it can be done. Life can be conquered the easy, the hard and the in between. I realize there are far braver people than I . But, for those of you like myself who get scared, who get sucked in and complacent you can overcome. Start today with a little thing. Don't be scared to fail, because it will happen . What we really should be scared of is not trying. Of letting fear of failure rule our lives. When you find yourself succeeding failing seems less intimidating.

As for me ( and you) today is a new day! A chance to start over and pursue good and the life we were created for!

“Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway”~ John Wayne 

As my Mom says...

You are loved,
Michelle
 P.S. Enjoy the ride!!!!

The dragon lady. And how to conquer your's.

Women are crazy. I am one, so I can say this. I think.

We are such moody volatile creatures. Yes, yes we have shining moments of glory and we seem to possess the power to find our husbands missing items in no time flat. (this started happening once I got married, so strange). We can be beautiful and caring and bake delicious things, and conquer anything while having PMS.
Some days though I become what we lovingly  refer to in the Whittemore house as "THE DRAGON LADY".    

Today. Was one of those days. I woke up and cleaned the house while Der was at school.
 Excited to be all Proverbs 31(ey) and domestic! He was pleasantly surprised ( assuming I'd still be sleeping) and grateful! 
I showed off my skills, the grime I'd removed the spot I'd vacuumed, like a child with some new artwork ready to be hung on the fridge.(notice me! notice me!)

He then began chipping in organizing things, vacuuming spots I didn't know existed and I, well I became...(duh duh duh) annoyed, irritated, insert chosen word.  I showered and sulked and let the scales grow, let the smoke billow from nose. Oh I played it cool like I was fine and battled my brain for peace and white flags blah blah blah. Which by the way were not necessary , because THERE WAS NOTHING TO BE UPSET ABOUT. Which brings me back to my main point. 1. Women are crazy.

I set the precedent for the rest of our day by letting my emotions control me. It's easy to do, far, far too easy. However it is getting easier all the time to stop. Think it over and talk about it. Der is my bestie. I can tell him anything. When I explained 8 hours later how I had morphed into my dragon self he was sympathetic, practical and as always rational. It was weight off me, one that didn't even need to exist, but did (here comes the crazy, do you see how this is just a crazy cycle. AHHH).

Point 2. Turn it around. You have the power to realize you're being irrational and to stop it. Stop the dragon lady before she burns the ones you love.


Love, love, love,
Michelle (sometimes the dragon lady)

Davis(ness)

In case you ever wondered what a Davis is...

Davis's have sass.

Davis's speak louder than most.

Davis's are sometimes hard to handle.

Davis's are stubborn creatures.

They can pick things up with there toes, they can burp louder then any drunken sailor.

They love like nobody's business.

A davis story is unlike any story you will ever hear, it is full of life,  dramatic inflections, hand movements and all kinds of accessories. It may make you laugh so hard you cry or you may not understand it at all (just smile and nod).

We are passionate about many different things, we may have disagreements from time to time, but our foundation is in the God we love, and our sometimes dysfunctional Davis way of life. Which when compared to a lot of people's is pretty normal.  Davis has a wonderful legacy attached to it, many stories, some heart wrenching, most funny and heartwarming.  The most wonderful thing about Davis's is our ability to laugh in any and every circumstance, come rain or shine, or hail, or ... you name it. We will eventually make it a comical situation and... embrace it.

I may not be a Davis any more, but the sass, the passion, the burping, will always remain, and I will be forever grateful, to have come from such wonderful people. People who overcome obstacles, people who love God and live full lives. I can't wait to mesh that with the amazing Whittemore genes and have some kick butt lil rug-rats. (not for a long time though)

Much love, sooo much love,
Michelle (was once a Davis) Whittemore

porch swings and dreams and my Daddy's voice....

Once my Daddy told me what to do. I think.
It will sound crazy, but I have seen stranger things.
When I say daddy I don't mean my Dad, Dan that is. That's what I call God. Daddy.

It was a warm summer afternoon, and I had been given an hour lunch. My parents lived close by, so I decided to pop over  and take a snooze on the porch swing. It is the foggiest memory, but I know it happened. It wasn't until years later that I realized the significance. " I resonate in your voice". Five words. I can't remember the tone of the voice , though I wish I could. How precious a thing this was. To be woken by the voice of my savior.

I have carried these words with me, not always relishing in them like I should. What an amazing thing.

Today, on a day where I have listened to the beautiful anointed words of Kari Jobe, belted along with Christy Noeckels and Natalie Grant.  I feel saddened. Will that ever be me?  I don't know if I will ever be on a stage in front of thousands worshiping , or if it will just be in church or playing coffee shops. What I do know is this: I was reminded today of my love for singing. I was reminded of those words. Words that say to me, there is a reason. God will use me however he see's fit, and I trust in that wholeheartedly. I take comfort in the word's whispered to me , and I take comfort knowing my God/Daddy has a plan, the best plan for me.

In the mean time I'll keep singing while Derek tries to do homework and in church. I will be the girl who texts song lyrics to herself, the girl who calls her husbands voicemail to leave melodies. I'll be that girl. I like it.


Love, love, love,
Michelle

Pandora Christmas station in September- Check.

I am listening to Christmas music wearing an adorable fall outfit, waiting for my hubby to come home so I can show myself off. I have a beautiful life.
A great paying job that I like, I am approaching the finish of school, and I am married to my best friend. Love it. One thing I have noticed lately though is I have distanced myself from my savior. I still pray, we go to church, we do our Jesus calling, but I am missing that one on one Jesus / Michelle time we once had. So while I think, my life is great, (and don't get me wrong, it is) imagine how great it would be if I was walking in synch with my Savior. Sooo good. Time to fix that.

Also I have started on another great adventure. Weight Loss. It was time, working at McDonalds for a year, and thinking I could eat like a boy, just because I cook for one took its toll. Seriously. So I joined the weight watchers race and am loving it. Having the history I have when it comes to "dieting", this is a very practical safe way to do it. I am feeling good and productive and...happy. So happy.

I love you sweet friends and I hope that you're happy too!

“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ,” Philippians 1:9-10 NIV  ( ah thanks Biblegateway, good one)



Love love love,
Michelle(y)



 

Adventures of a Bare foot girl and Superman....

I have had lots of time for blogging, but little creativity.
Today the air is crisp and clear and smells of fall.
Pandora is crooning in the background and so here I am.

What a strange year this has been.
The best one yet.
There will be great years ahead, but this one, this year takes the cake, or rather the pie.: )
This November Derek and I will have been together a year! Traditionally people would date a year, then get engaged then get married. We shook things up a bit, and skipped that whole engagement bit, it seemed like a formality. :) Half of our one year has been spent married, and I have to tell you it's been awesome.

Let me tell you about my Derek:

He is tall, handsome, incredibly intelligent.
While he may seem reserved at first he is honestly one of the funnest people I've ever met, and the coolest thing about that is I am primarily the only one who sees it. I am not always certain of who I am, but whoever I happen to be, he gets all of it. No stage lights, no b.s., no funny girl trying to fit in.
Derek gets Michelle, the good , bad, the morning breath, strange dinosaur noises and he loves all of it.
Derek opened a door I did not know existed . He taught me that there is no box that I have to fit into, he helped me break free of the one I wore for so long. I am learning to respect myself, learning that I have worth, learning that "michelle" is not a joke, "michelle" is awesome.  That's not to say that he looks at me with blind eyes, he see's me in my humaness, but he comes alongside me, and we grow.

For too long, I belittled myself in front of others, and that made it seem ok for them to do it too. Thus I built the frame, and others handed me the boards and nails, and I became stuck in a box. A "funny" always flighty, dreamer, never finisher, oh that michelle, kind of a box. No more. The box was burned on easter Sunday and here I am. Loving every second of it. I answer to my husband and I answer to my sweet Lord.
That is as simple as it gets.

I love this life I've been given. I love the sweet man I've been blessed with and I love that God knew what I needed and he gave it to me last november!

Love, love, love,

Always dreaming,singing,pursuing-michelle

I'll brave whatever storm comes through, if it brings me back to you...

I have OCD.
 I haven't broadcast this widely (until now)...
It's not  your widely publicized " count everything 7 times or your first born will perish" OCD but irrational thinking/ compulsion's type OCD /trapped in your own body OCD/ Awful OCD. It has it's peaks and valley's like any mental illness.  Right now I'm in a valley.

As I sat today in my apartment slightly overwhelmed, in the shut down phase of my anxiety, I felt the inspiration to write a song. I haven't' felt this way in a while. As a song writer, that's kind of essential to my being. I was excited. A phrase. Meaningful at that. A melody. Life was good.

God speaks to me ,  through the songs I write. That happened today, out of my frustration, I was reminded that these times startle me into looking up. I was reminded of what I am supposed to be doing with my life. I was encouraged. I hope that you can be too, in whatever circumstance you find yourself in today. The light shines in the darkness and the darkness HAS NOT overcome it!!!

Today it hit me, or rather, was shown to me that out of great heartache comes beautiful life-flowing things.
That if being anxious and wrestling with my brain draws me closer to my Lord, then so be it. ( it scares me to say these words, but bring it on...)
That I need to praise,adore, and pursue, even in my darkest hour. (that's not easy though...)

That's all for now..


Love you.
~ Michelle