Even the winter won't last forever... (it may feel like it though (just saying))
For the past couple weeks I have been slipping down the slope of anxiety and winter depression. This past week I took Der with me. It's been grey and cold and we have been working a lot and seeing little of each other and it wears on you. Being an adult does that to a person. We moped, grew frustrated with each other, dreamed of tropical vacations and became distant. I had no fight in me. Der, usually my strong encourager was worn out, trying to encourage his wife who often says "please don't encourage me right now". What kind of b.s. is that? Don't encourage me right now? yeah I admit I have said that a couple times.It was strange I didn't even want to seek God. I just wanted to wallow. Oh my. A lot of times I like to wallow. I like to give in to the black lake of sorrow and doom (that I have known for far to long) and contemplate doggy paddling or drowning. It seems easier for some reason? (don't ask me why)
It's so easy to embrace insanity, to embrace the darkness that laps at our feet. Don't. It won't get you out of anything, just delay your journey. The thing is. I am changed. It's really unreal, and so my new self battling my old self has a lot to do with this black lake of doom business. The old me would have jumped in the lake, and hid in her bed for as long as she wanted. This new version pushes through. It doesn't sound like much, but I have been like this forever, so it's really kind of a miracle. It's really a lot like growing up.
However being a grown up will not change the following about me :
I will still dress weird on occasion, because I can and it makes me feel cool and different.
I will still burp loudly. Not as much as I once did, but just enough to remind me of what once was....
I will still have a soft spot in my heart for musicals and once in a blue moon serenade my house with a medley of Wicked , Les Mis, and Jekyll and Hyde.
I will dance with my husband whenever and wherever. because why not?
I will never grow to old to be passionate, and write and sing and pursue music, because it is where my heart is.
I will never fall out of love with my savior and if I feel it slipping I will pursue him still.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
Overcome
I have a hard time persevering.
I get scared to try.
I get overwhelmed and so I pop in my shell and ride the storm out.
It started back and back and back.
It's why I am terrible at math, why I never went out for sports why I battled an eating disorder. It was easier to not try to understand the problems, easier to not even go there, and easier to do it the unhealthy way then to really work to lose the weight. Easier to not face the potential to fail. So I didn't try.
I got on the scale today and much to my dismay gained half a pound ( not really that big of a deal).
I felt sick and began analyzing my week, what had I eaten? Where had I gone wrong? I started feeling bad about myself and I wanted to retreat, give up.
Point is this : It's hard. Life is. It's overwhelming to try, it's overwhelming to give up the little nicety's aka chocolate in life to pursue health. To pursue things even when they are challenging. We like ease. Quick fixes. Straight paths. However analogies aside it can be done. Life can be conquered the easy, the hard and the in between. I realize there are far braver people than I . But, for those of you like myself who get scared, who get sucked in and complacent you can overcome. Start today with a little thing. Don't be scared to fail, because it will happen . What we really should be scared of is not trying. Of letting fear of failure rule our lives. When you find yourself succeeding failing seems less intimidating.
As for me ( and you) today is a new day! A chance to start over and pursue good and the life we were created for!
As my Mom says...
You are loved,
Michelle
P.S. Enjoy the ride!!!!
I get scared to try.
I get overwhelmed and so I pop in my shell and ride the storm out.
It started back and back and back.
It's why I am terrible at math, why I never went out for sports why I battled an eating disorder. It was easier to not try to understand the problems, easier to not even go there, and easier to do it the unhealthy way then to really work to lose the weight. Easier to not face the potential to fail. So I didn't try.
I got on the scale today and much to my dismay gained half a pound ( not really that big of a deal).
I felt sick and began analyzing my week, what had I eaten? Where had I gone wrong? I started feeling bad about myself and I wanted to retreat, give up.
Point is this : It's hard. Life is. It's overwhelming to try, it's overwhelming to give up the little nicety's aka chocolate in life to pursue health. To pursue things even when they are challenging. We like ease. Quick fixes. Straight paths. However analogies aside it can be done. Life can be conquered the easy, the hard and the in between. I realize there are far braver people than I . But, for those of you like myself who get scared, who get sucked in and complacent you can overcome. Start today with a little thing. Don't be scared to fail, because it will happen . What we really should be scared of is not trying. Of letting fear of failure rule our lives. When you find yourself succeeding failing seems less intimidating.
As for me ( and you) today is a new day! A chance to start over and pursue good and the life we were created for!
“Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway”~ John Wayne
As my Mom says...
You are loved,
Michelle
P.S. Enjoy the ride!!!!
Friday, October 21, 2011
The dragon lady. And how to conquer your's.
Women are crazy. I am one, so I can say this. I think.
We are such moody volatile creatures. Yes, yes we have shining moments of glory and we seem to possess the power to find our husbands missing items in no time flat. (this started happening once I got married, so strange). We can be beautiful and caring and bake delicious things, and conquer anything while having PMS.
Some days though I become what we lovingly refer to in the Whittemore house as "THE DRAGON LADY".
Today. Was one of those days. I woke up and cleaned the house while Der was at school.
Excited to be all Proverbs 31(ey) and domestic! He was pleasantly surprised ( assuming I'd still be sleeping) and grateful!
I showed off my skills, the grime I'd removed the spot I'd vacuumed, like a child with some new artwork ready to be hung on the fridge.(notice me! notice me!)
He then began chipping in organizing things, vacuuming spots I didn't know existed and I, well I became...(duh duh duh) annoyed, irritated, insert chosen word. I showered and sulked and let the scales grow, let the smoke billow from nose. Oh I played it cool like I was fine and battled my brain for peace and white flags blah blah blah. Which by the way were not necessary , because THERE WAS NOTHING TO BE UPSET ABOUT. Which brings me back to my main point. 1. Women are crazy.
I set the precedent for the rest of our day by letting my emotions control me. It's easy to do, far, far too easy. However it is getting easier all the time to stop. Think it over and talk about it. Der is my bestie. I can tell him anything. When I explained 8 hours later how I had morphed into my dragon self he was sympathetic, practical and as always rational. It was weight off me, one that didn't even need to exist, but did (here comes the crazy, do you see how this is just a crazy cycle. AHHH).
Point 2. Turn it around. You have the power to realize you're being irrational and to stop it. Stop the dragon lady before she burns the ones you love.
Love, love, love,
Michelle (sometimes the dragon lady)
We are such moody volatile creatures. Yes, yes we have shining moments of glory and we seem to possess the power to find our husbands missing items in no time flat. (this started happening once I got married, so strange). We can be beautiful and caring and bake delicious things, and conquer anything while having PMS.
Some days though I become what we lovingly refer to in the Whittemore house as "THE DRAGON LADY".
Today. Was one of those days. I woke up and cleaned the house while Der was at school.
Excited to be all Proverbs 31(ey) and domestic! He was pleasantly surprised ( assuming I'd still be sleeping) and grateful!
I showed off my skills, the grime I'd removed the spot I'd vacuumed, like a child with some new artwork ready to be hung on the fridge.(notice me! notice me!)
He then began chipping in organizing things, vacuuming spots I didn't know existed and I, well I became...(duh duh duh) annoyed, irritated, insert chosen word. I showered and sulked and let the scales grow, let the smoke billow from nose. Oh I played it cool like I was fine and battled my brain for peace and white flags blah blah blah. Which by the way were not necessary , because THERE WAS NOTHING TO BE UPSET ABOUT. Which brings me back to my main point. 1. Women are crazy.
I set the precedent for the rest of our day by letting my emotions control me. It's easy to do, far, far too easy. However it is getting easier all the time to stop. Think it over and talk about it. Der is my bestie. I can tell him anything. When I explained 8 hours later how I had morphed into my dragon self he was sympathetic, practical and as always rational. It was weight off me, one that didn't even need to exist, but did (here comes the crazy, do you see how this is just a crazy cycle. AHHH).
Point 2. Turn it around. You have the power to realize you're being irrational and to stop it. Stop the dragon lady before she burns the ones you love.
Love, love, love,
Michelle (sometimes the dragon lady)
Friday, October 14, 2011
Davis(ness)
In case you ever wondered what a Davis is...
Davis's have sass.
Davis's speak louder than most.
Davis's are sometimes hard to handle.
Davis's are stubborn creatures.
They can pick things up with there toes, they can burp louder then any drunken sailor.
They love like nobody's business.
A davis story is unlike any story you will ever hear, it is full of life, dramatic inflections, hand movements and all kinds of accessories. It may make you laugh so hard you cry or you may not understand it at all (just smile and nod).
We are passionate about many different things, we may have disagreements from time to time, but our foundation is in the God we love, and our sometimes dysfunctional Davis way of life. Which when compared to a lot of people's is pretty normal. Davis has a wonderful legacy attached to it, many stories, some heart wrenching, most funny and heartwarming. The most wonderful thing about Davis's is our ability to laugh in any and every circumstance, come rain or shine, or hail, or ... you name it. We will eventually make it a comical situation and... embrace it.
I may not be a Davis any more, but the sass, the passion, the burping, will always remain, and I will be forever grateful, to have come from such wonderful people. People who overcome obstacles, people who love God and live full lives. I can't wait to mesh that with the amazing Whittemore genes and have some kick butt lil rug-rats. (not for a long time though)
Much love, sooo much love,
Michelle (was once a Davis) Whittemore
Davis's have sass.
Davis's speak louder than most.
Davis's are sometimes hard to handle.
Davis's are stubborn creatures.
They can pick things up with there toes, they can burp louder then any drunken sailor.
They love like nobody's business.
A davis story is unlike any story you will ever hear, it is full of life, dramatic inflections, hand movements and all kinds of accessories. It may make you laugh so hard you cry or you may not understand it at all (just smile and nod).
We are passionate about many different things, we may have disagreements from time to time, but our foundation is in the God we love, and our sometimes dysfunctional Davis way of life. Which when compared to a lot of people's is pretty normal. Davis has a wonderful legacy attached to it, many stories, some heart wrenching, most funny and heartwarming. The most wonderful thing about Davis's is our ability to laugh in any and every circumstance, come rain or shine, or hail, or ... you name it. We will eventually make it a comical situation and... embrace it.
I may not be a Davis any more, but the sass, the passion, the burping, will always remain, and I will be forever grateful, to have come from such wonderful people. People who overcome obstacles, people who love God and live full lives. I can't wait to mesh that with the amazing Whittemore genes and have some kick butt lil rug-rats. (not for a long time though)
Much love, sooo much love,
Michelle (was once a Davis) Whittemore
Thursday, October 13, 2011
porch swings and dreams and my Daddy's voice....
Once my Daddy told me what to do. I think.
It will sound crazy, but I have seen stranger things.
When I say daddy I don't mean my Dad, Dan that is. That's what I call God. Daddy.
It was a warm summer afternoon, and I had been given an hour lunch. My parents lived close by, so I decided to pop over and take a snooze on the porch swing. It is the foggiest memory, but I know it happened. It wasn't until years later that I realized the significance. " I resonate in your voice". Five words. I can't remember the tone of the voice , though I wish I could. How precious a thing this was. To be woken by the voice of my savior.
I have carried these words with me, not always relishing in them like I should. What an amazing thing.
Today, on a day where I have listened to the beautiful anointed words of Kari Jobe, belted along with Christy Noeckels and Natalie Grant. I feel saddened. Will that ever be me? I don't know if I will ever be on a stage in front of thousands worshiping , or if it will just be in church or playing coffee shops. What I do know is this: I was reminded today of my love for singing. I was reminded of those words. Words that say to me, there is a reason. God will use me however he see's fit, and I trust in that wholeheartedly. I take comfort in the word's whispered to me , and I take comfort knowing my God/Daddy has a plan, the best plan for me.
In the mean time I'll keep singing while Derek tries to do homework and in church. I will be the girl who texts song lyrics to herself, the girl who calls her husbands voicemail to leave melodies. I'll be that girl. I like it.
Love, love, love,
Michelle
It will sound crazy, but I have seen stranger things.
When I say daddy I don't mean my Dad, Dan that is. That's what I call God. Daddy.
It was a warm summer afternoon, and I had been given an hour lunch. My parents lived close by, so I decided to pop over and take a snooze on the porch swing. It is the foggiest memory, but I know it happened. It wasn't until years later that I realized the significance. " I resonate in your voice". Five words. I can't remember the tone of the voice , though I wish I could. How precious a thing this was. To be woken by the voice of my savior.
I have carried these words with me, not always relishing in them like I should. What an amazing thing.
Today, on a day where I have listened to the beautiful anointed words of Kari Jobe, belted along with Christy Noeckels and Natalie Grant. I feel saddened. Will that ever be me? I don't know if I will ever be on a stage in front of thousands worshiping , or if it will just be in church or playing coffee shops. What I do know is this: I was reminded today of my love for singing. I was reminded of those words. Words that say to me, there is a reason. God will use me however he see's fit, and I trust in that wholeheartedly. I take comfort in the word's whispered to me , and I take comfort knowing my God/Daddy has a plan, the best plan for me.
In the mean time I'll keep singing while Derek tries to do homework and in church. I will be the girl who texts song lyrics to herself, the girl who calls her husbands voicemail to leave melodies. I'll be that girl. I like it.
Love, love, love,
Michelle
Friday, September 30, 2011
Pandora Christmas station in September- Check.
I am listening to Christmas music wearing an adorable fall outfit, waiting for my hubby to come home so I can show myself off. I have a beautiful life.
A great paying job that I like, I am approaching the finish of school, and I am married to my best friend. Love it. One thing I have noticed lately though is I have distanced myself from my savior. I still pray, we go to church, we do our Jesus calling, but I am missing that one on one Jesus / Michelle time we once had. So while I think, my life is great, (and don't get me wrong, it is) imagine how great it would be if I was walking in synch with my Savior. Sooo good. Time to fix that.
Also I have started on another great adventure. Weight Loss. It was time, working at McDonalds for a year, and thinking I could eat like a boy, just because I cook for one took its toll. Seriously. So I joined the weight watchers race and am loving it. Having the history I have when it comes to "dieting", this is a very practical safe way to do it. I am feeling good and productive and...happy. So happy.
I love you sweet friends and I hope that you're happy too!
“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ,” Philippians 1:9-10 NIV ( ah thanks Biblegateway, good one)
Love love love,
Michelle(y)
A great paying job that I like, I am approaching the finish of school, and I am married to my best friend. Love it. One thing I have noticed lately though is I have distanced myself from my savior. I still pray, we go to church, we do our Jesus calling, but I am missing that one on one Jesus / Michelle time we once had. So while I think, my life is great, (and don't get me wrong, it is) imagine how great it would be if I was walking in synch with my Savior. Sooo good. Time to fix that.
Also I have started on another great adventure. Weight Loss. It was time, working at McDonalds for a year, and thinking I could eat like a boy, just because I cook for one took its toll. Seriously. So I joined the weight watchers race and am loving it. Having the history I have when it comes to "dieting", this is a very practical safe way to do it. I am feeling good and productive and...happy. So happy.
I love you sweet friends and I hope that you're happy too!
“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ,” Philippians 1:9-10 NIV ( ah thanks Biblegateway, good one)
Love love love,
Michelle(y)
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Adventures of a Bare foot girl and Superman....
I have had lots of time for blogging, but little creativity.
Today the air is crisp and clear and smells of fall.
Pandora is crooning in the background and so here I am.
What a strange year this has been.
The best one yet.
There will be great years ahead, but this one, this year takes the cake, or rather the pie.: )
This November Derek and I will have been together a year! Traditionally people would date a year, then get engaged then get married. We shook things up a bit, and skipped that whole engagement bit, it seemed like a formality. :) Half of our one year has been spent married, and I have to tell you it's been awesome.
Let me tell you about my Derek:
He is tall, handsome, incredibly intelligent.
While he may seem reserved at first he is honestly one of the funnest people I've ever met, and the coolest thing about that is I am primarily the only one who sees it. I am not always certain of who I am, but whoever I happen to be, he gets all of it. No stage lights, no b.s., no funny girl trying to fit in.
Derek gets Michelle, the good , bad, the morning breath, strange dinosaur noises and he loves all of it.
Derek opened a door I did not know existed . He taught me that there is no box that I have to fit into, he helped me break free of the one I wore for so long. I am learning to respect myself, learning that I have worth, learning that "michelle" is not a joke, "michelle" is awesome. That's not to say that he looks at me with blind eyes, he see's me in my humaness, but he comes alongside me, and we grow.
For too long, I belittled myself in front of others, and that made it seem ok for them to do it too. Thus I built the frame, and others handed me the boards and nails, and I became stuck in a box. A "funny" always flighty, dreamer, never finisher, oh that michelle, kind of a box. No more. The box was burned on easter Sunday and here I am. Loving every second of it. I answer to my husband and I answer to my sweet Lord.
That is as simple as it gets.
I love this life I've been given. I love the sweet man I've been blessed with and I love that God knew what I needed and he gave it to me last november!
Love, love, love,
Always dreaming,singing,pursuing-michelle
Today the air is crisp and clear and smells of fall.
Pandora is crooning in the background and so here I am.
What a strange year this has been.
The best one yet.
There will be great years ahead, but this one, this year takes the cake, or rather the pie.: )
This November Derek and I will have been together a year! Traditionally people would date a year, then get engaged then get married. We shook things up a bit, and skipped that whole engagement bit, it seemed like a formality. :) Half of our one year has been spent married, and I have to tell you it's been awesome.
Let me tell you about my Derek:
He is tall, handsome, incredibly intelligent.
While he may seem reserved at first he is honestly one of the funnest people I've ever met, and the coolest thing about that is I am primarily the only one who sees it. I am not always certain of who I am, but whoever I happen to be, he gets all of it. No stage lights, no b.s., no funny girl trying to fit in.
Derek gets Michelle, the good , bad, the morning breath, strange dinosaur noises and he loves all of it.
Derek opened a door I did not know existed . He taught me that there is no box that I have to fit into, he helped me break free of the one I wore for so long. I am learning to respect myself, learning that I have worth, learning that "michelle" is not a joke, "michelle" is awesome. That's not to say that he looks at me with blind eyes, he see's me in my humaness, but he comes alongside me, and we grow.
For too long, I belittled myself in front of others, and that made it seem ok for them to do it too. Thus I built the frame, and others handed me the boards and nails, and I became stuck in a box. A "funny" always flighty, dreamer, never finisher, oh that michelle, kind of a box. No more. The box was burned on easter Sunday and here I am. Loving every second of it. I answer to my husband and I answer to my sweet Lord.
That is as simple as it gets.
I love this life I've been given. I love the sweet man I've been blessed with and I love that God knew what I needed and he gave it to me last november!
Love, love, love,
Always dreaming,singing,pursuing-michelle
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